Phoebe in 'Friends' series is not really a good-singer but still persists with her singing in 'Central Perk'. Not many in Central-Perk appreciate her singing-exploits, but still her buddies appreciate each-and-every one of her songs. Monica is not very good in this false-appreciation that Ross, Chandler, Joey, Rachael - so she goes before Phoebe and tells Phoebe the truth that 'she is not a good singer'. Phoebe on hearing this says 'I know I am not a good singer, but still I want you and my other buddies to support me in whatever I do'.
Liked the above sequence. The above sequence is a common occurance in everyone's lives i.e expecting appreciation from our friends for the various actions-we-perform nevermind it is good or bad.
Does adverse criticism help anyone? No, me thinks adverse criticism encourages one to go on the defensive. Defensiveness kills the confidence and thus the person refuses to take risks and thus will gain comfort in the way things-are. Guess, it is better if people start behaving the normal way rather than the defensive way! As to answer the question i.e 'should you tell the brutal-truth to your friend?' - No, I guess your friend knows himself/herself better than anyone around!
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6 comments:
I totally disagree. Very often people ask you for your opinion only because they aren't sure themselves how good they are. And criticism can bring out the best in tough men; without criticism they may not know where their faults are. I'm not saying that you should always be blunt. But the truth must be told, sugarcoated if necessary.
To only hear positive comments - you can rent a tape-recorder and make a tape of what you want to hear... you don't need friends for that. But, whatever.
Ashok,
Very often people ask you for your opinion only because they aren't sure themselves how good they are.
Now, what if your friend doesnt ask you that question i.e 'what do you think about my singing ability or guitar playing ability etc.,'. In such case, I guess one shouldn't volunteer to pass on adverse comments.
Let me know what you feel!
Woodworm,
I think 'the scope for improvement is sky-high in other words "grey-areas" in every individual is infinite', so there is no way one could get clean out of all these grey-areas. And once you become obsessed with these grey-areas then there is no way one could get out of this 'grey-area'. So rather than getting bogged down into this, I think the better and obvious way is to show interest on the brighter side.
As for 'renting a tape-recorder', I think you misunderstood the context. Now, what if your friend doesnt ask you that question i.e 'what do you think about my singing ability or guitar playing ability etc.,'. In such case, I guess one shouldn't volunteer to pass on adverse comments.
Well, as again.. why do you need people, anyway?
For example, I would interpret your comments like as follows - if there is a person who is commiting suicide on a bright, sunny day - I should probably tell him that he is wearing a nice shirt, it is a bright, sunny day and a good day to jump off the bridge and walk my way.
That will be the day - the world ends :)
you don't need friends for that. But, whatever.
Guess the reference to 'but, whatever' means 'it is his life, so why should i worry'. I think that is a right approach. When you are dealing with individuals like you, I think there is no harm in respecting their thoughts and ideas and respect the same - as long as they dont respect other people's ideas and thoughts! End of the day, all these right and wrong are nothing but 'perceptions'. 'Perceptions' are bound to change from one individual to another. So there is no point in claiming that only 'my opinion is right and the other people's opinion is wrong'.
if there is a person who is commiting suicide on a bright, sunny day - I should probably tell him that he is wearing a nice shirt
I think you are missing the point, what if the other person thinks that he doesnt need your help. I think drawing a parallel between 'not passing adverse comments to your friends/strangers - to - committing suicide' is wrong.
That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »
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